If, in fact, there is life after death, what is the point of life before death? To achieve life after death? Why am I still living my first life? It seems that life would be more efficient if we all just lived the first life for a few days and then moved on to the second life. Maybe the point of the first life is so we will appreciate the second life.
If, in fact, there is NO life after death, then life is more worthy of my time. But who am I to decide what Life is worthy of and what it isn't? Life has given me and is all that I have. Life is all that we have really, I suppose.
I should probably take a philosophy class or read an enlightening book. I am struggling to reason why I am alive; why I just do, or refuse to do, one mundane thing after another. What was the point of removing the period in between "alive" and "why" in the previous sentence and replacing it with a colon? I don't know, but I just did it. I don't even know if it's gramatically correct.
Now the blame has just shifted in my mind from Life to Me. If life is all I have, why don't I make something of it? Why do I continue to do one mundane thing after another? Why don't I go to AIDS Athens and volunteer and make friends? Why don't I really think about the papers that I write and do something about the problems that I uncover while writing them? Why am I so fucking lazy? I am apathetic, yet I want things to change. It seems that I just can't make up my mind whether to be completely passionate or totally apathetic.
Why don't I have a boyfriend? And why do I keep having dreams about Collin Dribble and his family? whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhyw I sound like a 5 year old.
Solution? The only solution that I see in my mind right now to this "problem" that I've created for myself is to go to Africa. I think that if I meet new people, see a different way of life, different values, dancing, singing, cooking, farming, instead of sleeping, drinking, buying, writing, watching tv, then I will develop a newfound appreciation for life. Then I'll go to the Mediterranean, then over to Russia, then maybe to Finland, Sweden, then I'll venture to Asia-India, Thailand, China, Japan, the Philippines. And surely I'll make it to South America eventually, smell some flowers in the rainforest, all the while, developing more and more appreciation for life. That is the only way I see it. I think at least getting out of UGA and meeting different kinds of people would help. Where is everyone? There are like 2 black people and one-half of a Latino at UGA. Everyone else seems to be just like me. I hate seeing myself a million times a day. I hate seeing myself even once a day.
This rant is over.
Finals+bad grades+period+irresponsibility+laziness+parental disappointment+not getting to do what I want to do=ranting Kristen.